It used to be much simpler to say, I do. Just a generation ago, most brides and grooms left ceremonial duties to an experienced clergy person, who worked from a wedding-day program aimed to be religiously appropriate and legally binding.

In the 21st century, however, many couples are playing larger roles in scripting their own wedding ceremonies, increasingly opting for less traditional venues, and blending a diversity of ethnic and religious traditions.

Elk Grove dental hygienist Trinette Chow and her fianc, Mike Kuhlman, are a case in point. Chow describes herself as a nonpracticing Catholic. Kuhlman believes in a higher being but is nondenominational, she says.

The two married in September 2007 at the secluded Forest House in Foresthill, about 17 miles outside of Auburn. Kuhlman's stepfather, not a clergy member, officiated. Chow drafted much of the ceremony, and found a poem on the Internet (Two Friends by Dan Metz) for a family member to read.

I would like [the ceremony] tailored to us and our relationship, not a cookie-cutter type of ceremony, said Chow, 38, in the weeks leading up to her late-summer wedding.

Who Officiates?

For couples that share the same religion and opt to get married in a house of worship, planning the ceremony is a fairly straightforward process: a meeting with the respective cleric (and the congregation's wedding coordinator, if applicable), a rehearsal and the wedding.

For those who prefer a friend or relative to officiate, acquiring the legal credentials can be easily done through any number of ordination websites. The Modesto-based Universal Life Church, founded in the early 1960s, is one of the best known and bestows free ordinations. Certificates, identification cards and other materials cost extra.

Other brides and grooms prefer to turn to full time wedding officiants such as the Rev. Christopher Nesbitt of Citrus Heights, who launched his business&emdash;A Five Star Ceremony&emdash;in 1997. Nesbitt, ordained through the Church of Scientology, averages 100 weddings a year.

Outlining the Ceremony

Nesbitt has a number of sample ceremonies that he shares with brides and grooms at the first meeting. Some prefer to write the entire program themselves. Others insert Biblical scripture, verses or other readings once Nesbitt has put together a rough draft.

It's an evolutionary process, Nesbitt says. I really encourage them to look at how they want their marriage to be, then write their ceremony based on that look.

Length is a practical consideration. Nesbitt's ceremonies usually run between 20 and 30 minutes. He stresses the value of the content, noting the Gettysburg Address was just some 270 words long.

If something is well put together and really reflects [the bride's and groom's] intentions and wishes and values, [the ceremony may last] 20 minutes, Nesbitt explains, [but the meaning of their vows] will last throughout their marriage. It's the foundation of their marriage.

Louder, Please

Chow had another practical concern as she planned her outdoor hilltop ceremony: sufficient amplification so the 150 guests could hear. Bride, groom and officiant were equipped with microphones, and the couple's flutist and guitarist had their own sound system.

Music

Personalizing the ceremony through less-traditional music is becoming more common. Bridal consultant Lori Melin of Simply Sensational Events in Rocklin often works in tandem with harpist Pamela Pamperin, whose selections range from jazz to Led Zeppelin and Nirvana!

The recessional music at consultant Lora Ward's weddings in recent months has also run the gamut, from Sail Away by Enya to Frank Sinatra's Fly Me to the Moon instead of the more conventional Wedding March by 19th-century composer Jakob Mendelssohn.

Customizing Is Key

Lighting a unity candle, exchanging roses or acknowledging departed loved ones are also special ways of tailoring the ceremony, says Melin, who has a library of resources she draws on to help her clients customize the program. She is sensitive to the occasional challenges that dual faiths or family pressure can have on the planning process.

Compromises in such cases are essential. Even though it's their wedding and their ceremony, they may want to consider their family, Melin says. Even adding one sentence or one small prayer, or calling [a prayer] a blessing can be enough.

The Legal Bond

Licenses

The Sacramento County Clerk/Recorder's office grants two types of marriage licenses:

• Public&emdash;available for public inspection, valid for 90 days and acceptable anywhere in California, for $76.
• Confidential&emdash;not available for public inspection and only of use in the county where they are purchased, for $85.

Make an Appointment

The County Clerk's office takes walk-ins, but advises that couples make appointments in advance to avoid waits of more than two hours. The phone number is (916) 874-6131.

The County Clerk's office can provide a deputy commissioner of civil marriages to officiate at weekend and holiday weddings or, for an additional fee and through prior arrangement, provide an officiant at the county offices at 600 8th St. in downtown Sacramento.

Internet Resources for More Information

• Sacramento County's website: ccr.saccounty.net/MARFAQ.asp
• The Knot: theknot.com
• California Marriage License, Registration and Ceremony Information: dhs.ca.gov/hisp/chs/OVR/Marriage/FAQ.htm 
• The American Council of Wedding Officiants: ordainmenow.org