Pork, Lamb And Other Things That Aren't Remotely ‘The Other White Meat’ — Part 1

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Each week, I provide two recipes at this site. I call this week’s “Pork, Lamb And Other Things That Aren't Remotely ‘The Other White Meat’ — Part 1.”
Pork simply tastes awful (and frightens the trichinosis vigilantes among us) if it isn't thoroughly cooked — but is equally bad if it's so well-done that you need to supplement each dry biteful with desperate gulps of carbonated water.

Lamb chops and rack of lamb are at their best when prepared so that the inside is "pink" (medium rare), but won't thrill anyone's taste buds if the inside stays bright red or goes military-gray (maybe if you serve your martinis with drab-green olives it won't be as noticeable, but why chance it?).

As you religiously follow these recipes over the next few weeks, I strongly urge you to marinate the meat in the refrigerator for at least a few hours before cooking. This will enhance the flavors and tenderize the meat — which is especially important if you're still shopping at Marty's Discount Meat Mart and Floor Coverings Showroom.

BAKED PORK RIBS (SPARE RIBS): Serves four adults who, upon arrival in their crisp white leisure-wear, will look like they're heading to a lawn-tennis tourney with Scott and Zelda Fitzgerald, and upon leaving will look like ketchup-soaked extras from a Quentin Tarrantino film.

"Baked pork ribs?!" you're uttering with astonishment and maybe just a rueful hint of condescension. "Surely you mean barbecued, with hickory-mesquite sauce dripping all over the grill, dousing the charcoals, clogging up my wristwatch and disguising whatever natural tastes the pork might have had with a sort of wood chip-tomato tang?"
Sorry, my agnostic gastronome, I said baked and I meant baked: it's neater (and certainly more all-weather) than barbecuing, juicier than flame-broiled, doesn't require you to parboil the ribs first (though you certainly can), and so easy to monitor you'll have plenty of time to join your backyard guests in angry debates about the relative merits of affirmative action and weed-whackers.

Ingredients

• 1/2 cup olive oil
• pineapple juice
• ketchup
• soy sauce
• vinegar
• pepper
• paprika
• parsley flakes
• 1 tbs. of mustard, your choice
• 8 boneless pork ribs (sometimes called "patio style") or 12 still on the bone (sometimes called "pork ribs")

1. Combine the ingredients in a marinating bowl or pan to your tastes, aiming for a texture that's thicker than the watered-down ketchup served by economy-minded coffee shop chains, but a bit thinner than your favorite anti-freeze. Place the ribs in the container and, with a sharp knife or (I'm not joking) icepick, make a few little punctures in the meat. Seal the container, shake it with brío (unless he's unavailable, in which case you can shake it with irving) and place it in the refrigerator for a few hours, overnight if possible.

2. Remove the container from the refrigerator and open about 30 minutes before you plan to start baking; this will allow the oil, which may have congealed a little, to thin out. This is also when you'll want to heat the oven to 325˚ F.

3. Pour the marinade into a baking dish and distribute it evenly, then put in the ribs, meat-side up if they're still on the bone. Place the dish in the oven, uncovered, and set the timer for 1 hour.

4. When the timer rings, turn the ribs over, spoon some more marinade on them and set the timer for 1/2 hour. They ought to be done by then.
Side Dishes: Ribs taste great with all of the famous picnic co-stars — potato or macaroni salad, cabbage slaw, corn on the cob, big green salads — but are also wonderful with sauerkraut (served chilled, at room temperature or added to the baking dish for the final 10 or 15 minutes of cooking), pineapple slices, French fries or Potatoes O' Goldman (please see the chapter, "Soups, Salads, Potatoes, Vegetables and Cool Snacks").

Cool Presentation Award: Baked, spareribs aren't ideal as finger food, because the meat is so tender it all but falls off the bone. My recommendation: serve individual portions to your guests, along with individual cups of the marinade, and make sure you have a steak knife and 300 napkins at each place setting.

 

BONELESS PORK CHOPS: Serves four adults who'll express concern about the meal not conforming to kosher dietary laws, even though their name is O'Hara and yours is Gonzalez.

Boneless pork chops can be just as tasty baked, fried, barbecued or broiled, but this recipe calls for you to fry and bake them. But first, marinate them.

Ingredients

• 1/2 cup olive oil
• pepper
• paprika
• parsley flakes
• 1 tbs. of mustard, your choice
• salt (seasoned or regular)
• garlic powder
• 2 eggs or 1/4 cup of milk
• 1 cup all-purpose flour
• crushed unseasoned bread or dry-cereal crumbs
• 4 boneless pork chops, about 1/3 to 1/2 lb. each

1. Marinate the chops in the olive oil, pepper, paprika, parsley flakes, mustard, salt and garlic powder, put them in a sealed container, and shake the container with the same fervor you'd bring to playing the maracas if you were invited to participate in ABC-TV's All-Star Battle of the Marimba Bands. Place the container in the refrigerator for at least a few hours.

2. Take the container out and open it a half hour before you start cooking to allow the oil to thin. Heat the oven to 350˚ F.

3. Crack the eggs or pour the milk into a cereal or soup bowl. Stir the eggs until they're thin and liquidy.

4. Season the flour with the same ingredients (minus the oil) that you used to marinate the chops. Roll the chops in the flour and shake the excess flour from them. Set aside.

5. Shake the crushed bread crumbs into a one-gallon plastic food storage bag. Shake some salt, pepper, garlic powder and paprika into the bag.

6. Dip the chops into the bowl of egg or milk, gently shake them until they don't drip, then place them in the plastic bag with the now-seasoned bread crumbs. Seal or tie the bag for a moment.

7. Pour the olive oil you marinated the chops in into a frying pan (if there doesn't seem to be enough, augment it with some fresh olive oil, but don't exceed 1/2 cup). Warm the pan over medium heat for about a minute, during which you shake the bag of chops.

8. Carefully remove the chops from the bag and slide them into the pan. Wherever you see gaps atop the chops, lightly sprinkle on some more bread crumbs while you brown the chops. When you can see that the edges of the chops are browning, gingerly turn them over with big tongs or a big fork and spatula. Sprinkle some more bread crumbs on top of the chops.

9. When the chops are browned but not done, remove them from the pan, place them on an ungreased cookie sheet and bake them for about 30 minutes (your cooking time will vary, of course, based on how hot your oven tends to get, and how quickly, how cooked the chops already were when you put them in the oven and whether you remembered to turn it on during Step 2 or skipped ahead).

Side Dishes: This goes surprisingly well with my Pasta Plain-a (see the chapter "Remembrance of Things Pasta"), Potatoes O'Goldman or What's-the-deal-about Garlic Mashed Potatoes (see the chapter "Soups, Salads, Potatoes, Vegetables and Cool Snacks"); steamed asparagus, broccoli or Brussels sprouts with a drizzle of vinaigrette, warmed sauerkraut (with or without some chopped mild white onions and Caraway seeds) or cabbage slaw work equally well, as do fresh or canned pineapple or peach slices.
Cool Presentation Award: If the chops are thick, they may lend themselves to being sliced in long strips and arrayed, sun-burst style, on a platter. If you do that, garnish with fresh grapes, cherries or apple slices.

 

 

A Glossary of Useful, Common and Completely Obvious Cooking Terms with which You Can Dazzle Your Enemies and Irritate Your Friends

This Week: Italian to Leftovers to Liquor

Leftovers - Culinary recycling.

Lemon - See Yugo.

Lentil - A cousin of the pea (which is tough to begin a recipe instruction with — see Leek), usually used in hearty soups. Also: the future tense of Lent.

Liqueur - Liquor, with extra syrup.

Liquor - Liqueur, without the stupid syrup.

Posted on Tuesday, September 2, 2008 in Permalink